Fort Collins, CO. Smoke fills the air as this hellscape is covered in dabbers, Dowds and so many dead bodies. Amendment 64 has wrought a pandemonium of illegal activities. It is inappropriate for a reporter to ask, but —if you read this— please tell my wife I loved her. I do not plan to escape from this sticky, dank trap. Hash and tacos might sound like breakfast and a side to you, but in northern Colorado they're a chilling incarnitanation of the green insanity to come.

People have been smoking Satan's Oregano for some time now in Colorado, and the northern Rockies' story is an untold front in the War on Drugs. The battle for America's heart is being waged, and if you love God and Nancy Reagan, you know what side you're on. This war is not just harming people, it's also harming the thing we love the most: blessed capitalism. I didn't fight a secret war for the CIA against gangs in Los Angeles for this. I saw this insanity with my own eyes:

"Yeah, sometimes... They, like, trade me a little hash for tacos. It's a great deal."


I should have known when the sign said he accepted bitcoin that his carnitas could send me to into the dark carnival of my mind. The acid on these tacos isn't lime, baby. The owner of one of Northern Colorado's trendy food scenes' most recommended taco trucks described how he consciously pissed on America's beating, green, capitalist heart while God-fearing job creators try to preform a triple bypass on our capital flows that Nobummer has clogged with Kenyan cholesterol.

Through the billowing fog of war, the truck owner plainly admitted to illegal activities. He was standing outside of a medicinal dispensary and openly admitted to the free trade of goods —and possibly ideas! We've lost the hearts and minds of northern Colorado's people. The battle front is beginning to spread.


Traditional allies are being made enemy's in this war. God's Second Most Shameful Flower* is being sold and dealt with openly, and it's even sparking tension between such usually close partners as stoners and ham. In this tospy turvy world, if we can't even tell which way is up anymore, how can we even know if were high


*The most shameful one is between your legs, ma'am.